To my little boy: Your guide to such a big world.

You're going to stumble to get to where you really want to be, and it's always going to take time and a lot of patience, but you will get there. Never give up because you are waiting on something particular to happen. It is always worth the wait. Always. Patience is key, and you must have a lot of it to get through this life.

Love will find you. It will make you or break you, and sometimes the break is beyond your control. Your little heart will pull you in so many different directions, but if you were loving for the right reasons, you will never love in vain. Heartache is only temporary, and you will one day find someone who will make any and all of those breaks seem as if they weren't so drastic after all. Love is complicated and sometimes messy, but I can promise you that it is a complicated, messy, INCREDIBLE part of this world.

This world is full of differences. We are not all the same. Each and every person on this Earth is living a separate life from yours, and they are all fighting their own battle and dealing with their own struggle. It is your job to always be accepting of these differences. To never judge anyone for how or why they do the things they do. You should always allow for other's shortcomings. In this life, if you remember anything at all that I tell you, remember to be kind and tolerant. You are not the only human being that deserves love. Everyone does.

Never make rash decisions when you are feeling emotional. When sadness, anger or guilt get the best of you, talk to someone. Talk to me or your dad, a friend or any adult you trust. We are all here for you and I promise that talking about the problem will help more than any quick, thoughtless decision you could've made.

I pray that you always remember how much you are cared for. There will never be anything in this world you can do that would make me or your daddy stop loving you. I know there will be times when you think you hate us, but we are only doing the things we do out of love for you. Because we are protecting you and want the absolute best for you. We will never intentionally hurt you. All of our decisions come with your best interest in mind. 

Remember to work hard for what you want. Never expect things to come easy, or to be handed to you. Do your very best to understand that good things can come out of a struggle, and that there will be times when you DO have to struggle. It is not a punishment, but a part of learning responsibility and work ethic. You will find that the harder you work the more it will pay off, and that any battle you fight to better yourself and your goals will always be worth it.

Never take anything for granted. People, places, privileges, finances, moments, all of it. Take none of it as if you will get it again tomorrow. It can be taken away as quick as it was given. Live every second like it's your last and cherish anything and everything possible. It will make you a better, more diligent person. 

I want you to see the best in people. I know when someone does you wrong or mistreats you, all you will see is the negative. It is a difficult task to overcome adversity and still manage to see the light. But try. Being positive and seeing the good in a person or bad situation will mold and shape you into a more honorable human being. It will do wonders for your growth, and prepare you for adulthood. 

Be honest. The truth is sometimes hard to say, and can often be brutal at times, but never lie to hide it. Be kind, but say what is on your mind. Never be afraid to speak opinions or be realistic. The only person you ever have to answer for is yourself, and as long as you are honest with yourself and others, that will never be a battle you have to fight. 

Don't have regrets. There will be decisions that you make in your life that you aren't always sure of, and you may second guess yourself a lot - but never let those guesses become regrets. Everything you do and don't do will have pros and cons, and it is part of life and human nature to wonder what would have happened had you done things differently. But no matter what, those choices made you who you are, and you should never regret them. At some point, the decisions you make will be exactly what you want and although they may not always give you the results you had planned on, it's going to be ok because life is what happens while you were busy making those plans.

Please hold onto your dreams. Strive to hit goals and do all the things you want do. Never allow others to put damper on shootings for the stars. Remember that you are smart and strong and that you can do or be anything with the right mind set. Stay ambitious, stay motivated and stay focused. You can do anything your little heart desires.

Trust your instincts. If something feels like it's wrong it probably is. As you get older you will learn more and more about the phrase, "go with your gut." You know better than anyone what is right and wrong for you. You don't have to do anything that you don't feel good about and if your friends are really your friends, they will understand that. Some of the most difficult decisions you will ever make will face you during youth. It will be tough to make good choices, and not follow the crowd. But just remember that you are not any less of a person should you choose to walk away. Keep a good head on your shoulders and trusting your instincts will always be simple.

You're going to make mistakes throughout life. They happen, and you shouldn't be ashamed. Everyone messes up, it's how we choose to fix them and move on that really matters. Mistakes give you character. They give you experience, and experience is a hard teacher to learn from. It gives you the test first and the lesson later. Be prepared. Just because you make a mistake doesn't mean you have failed or that life is over. It just means you are human. It is ok to be human. :)  

What I want you to know most is that I would do anything for you. I love you and will always portect you. I would give you the world if I only could. You are my child, my flesh and blood. I would die for you. I want you to know that I write these words because I want your life to be amazing. To let you know that you are never alone in all these things. I make time to write these things because you deserve it. You deserve to know how much love I feel for you everyday. I will always be proud of you. Please take these words and keep them close, no matter where you go. Keep them as close as I keep all of our wonderful memories together.

I love you little boy, and all your future siblings. You are all the best thing that could ever happen to me and I haven't even met some of you yet. :)

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Working a double: For the not so stay at home Mom

There have been a lot of blog posts about women who stay at home to mother their children. In fact, I read a very good one just a few days ago about a man who says he can't afford for his wife to stay at home because of all the things she does as a SAHM that naturally, go unpaid. It is most definitely a great read, and it gave me an idea for this post. An idea to do things a little different.

I want to write for the working Mothers. I am currently a stay at home Mom, and have been since my son was born. My wonderful husband has given me the luxury of seeing him grow and change everyday and it has been a great experience for me and for my little boy, who is now almost fifteen months old. But this year, I began pursuing my PHD and was hired at a new job, all the while somehow continuing to take care of my daily SAHM duties. It is HARD. I have been given a pretty clear little glimpse of what it is like for the working Mother, and I want to write for her. 

It takes a wonderful, strong, and selfless woman to be a working Mother. To get up every morning and go to a job when you have a child you really, honestly don't want to leave takes a Mother who is always willing to do what is best for her family. I know that there are some women out there who don't mind going to work and leaving their children and that is perfectly ok, too. There is nothing wrong with enjoying your time apart. Everyone needs that break. But, regardless, I want all working Mothers out there to know how appreciated and admired you are, and how much I think this world takes you for granted, and that is what this is about. 

As a SAHM, I feel like I work non-stop. I feel as if I clocked in the day my son was born and that I'll never clock out, and that's the truth. That is reality, because no matter what, he will always be my baby. I will always be on the clock to care for him, no questions asked. A working Mother is no different. She takes care of her child all night, then gets up, pulls herself together to look presentable and gets everyone cleaned up and out the door to where they need to be on time. She then works all day to provide for her family. When her time there is finished, she clocks out - and immediately clocks into her next job without a single moment wasted... Mom. She never clocks out. She is constantly working to do and be the best she can for whoever expects it of her. And a lot of people expect it of her. Being at a job and under pressure constantly is a lot to take on while you have a child at home who also has needs. It is a long, never ending to-do list, and juggling a life that requires both a career and children can be frustrating but at the same time so rewarding.

After having given up her entire day to bring home a paycheck that sometimes doesn't seem worth it, a working Mother swaps her hat and picks up her child as if she never really left. She is a multitasker and a good one, at that. She is able to totally change her focus to what is most important to her, her baby. That tiny, sweet piece of perfection that makes even the worst days seem not so bad. Even with a job, still being able to come home and cook dinner and get all the laundry done is an accomplishment. I stay at home and there are days when I just cannot bring myself to cook a meal for my husband and son, and we end up in the drive thru at the closest fast food restaurant. So, with that being said, I applaud any Mother who can leave her job and come home totally prepared to start a hot meal for her family. 

I think highly of a working Mother for many reasons. Whether she wants to be at her job or not, she is brave and smart, and doing all the right things for her family. She makes sacrifices each day that majority of the time go unnoticed, but here and now I want these Mothers to know that I notice. I see it. I know how hard it must be to be away from your children 5-7 days a week, and I think you have to have a pretty bad ass level of strength and confidence to do what you do. You put your child's needs first, and that makes an unbelievably good and successful Mom.

I have a lot of friends who are working Mothers, and I hear their situations, scenarios, and sometimes pleas for a life of just being able to be with their child everyday. For whatever reason, they are unable to do it, and it breaks my heart to know that not everyone has the SAHM opportunity available to them, because it really is a life changing experience and I think every Mom should be able to have the chance to do it at some point during Motherhood. 

I am blessed to know some intelligent, compassionate and professional working Moms who deserve to be acknowledge and told they are appreciated for what they do. Their children are going to be so bright and so thankful for having such amazing role models who showed them that a great work ethic and reliability are qualities to be thankful for. SAHM's please don't think that I am leaving your hard work out because I am one myself, as I said before. We work just as hard everyday, we just don't get a paycheck. ;)

So, you can't afford for your wife to be a stay at home Mother, eh? Well, you can't afford for her to work, either. She drives to work, is there all day doing what she needs to do to get that paycheck, drives home, washes clothes, cooks, cleans, takes the trash out, bathes the kids, gets them in bed and then before ever thinking about going to bed and passing out for the night, asks her husband if there is anything else she needs to take care of before morning. That is who she is - always putting others before herself. She is both an at home Mom and a working Mom, and her job is just as difficult. Take her out for a date night, slip  a massage gift certificate into the seat of her car, or just simply tell her how APPRECIATED what she does is. Tell her that her hard work and love for her child is the most beautiful thing you've had the pleasure of witnessing everyday and that you wouldn't make it without her constant efforts. She deserves to know how important she is. 

Sometimes words mean more than gifts, and maybe before she switches shifts tonight, you could find the time to say a few. After all, it wouldn't be normal if her 15 minute break included silence. ;) 

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Momma, you're doing it right.

When the house is a mess and you haven't had time to collect all the toys and their missing pieces, but you decide to just say screw it and watch LMN because the kid is finally asleep, you're doing it right.

Buying a DVD player for your backseat and driving somewhere in peace thinking, "that little electronic screen flashing pictures is the best damn thing since sliced bread." Quiet, occupied children mean you've done it all right. 

Expecting visitors for the weekend and trying to get everything that requires any sort of sound to be made done prior to putting your kid to sleep, and realizing after all is said and done that you forgot to vacuum. *facepalm* You'll be getting up a early anyway, and it'll get done. You're doing it right.

When you finally get to go shopping for yourself but all you come home with are new outfits for your little one(s), you're doing it right.

For the working momma - It's Monday and work is consuming you. Swamped and stressed, you catch yourself on Facebook envying anyone who is getting to spend time with their small children on a weekday. You are tired and it would be so much easier if you could just be home. But you are doing what is best for you and your family, even when it means doing what you really don't want to do. You are strong and your children will look up to you and thank you everyday for that. You're doing what you do out of pure love and selflessness, and even though it is hard to drop them off and go every morning, you're doing it right.

For the stay at home momma - You are sick and tired of seeing those walls. Tired of the same routine. Tired of cleaning and tired of a whiney kid pulling at your leg 24/7. You catch yourself wishing that you were at a job, any job, getting any sort of break that doesn't involve motherly decisions and instincts for even five seconds. You feel guilty for even thinking it. You are doing it out of love, to see your children grow everyday, and just because you don't clock in every morning, doesn't mean you don't work. You have one of the hardest jobs in the world, and you're doing it right. 

On sleepless nights when they are crying non-stop, wanting to be comforted by only you, and you sacrifice those few hours of sleep you were going to get just so you can hold them until they pass back out, you're doing it right.

Picture day is always hell. Not enough time for this, unprepared for that, wasn't planning on this, and sure as hell didn't think about that. Then the pictures finally come all edited and pretty and there's always somehow one decent one. You're doing it right. 

Those frustrating days when every whine, mishap, or tear forces you to simply walk outside and ignore it for a few minutes to gather your sanity. Even though you may not think, you are doing it right.

When you are so unbelievably protective of such a tiny human being that it scares the living shit out of you everyday, guess what? You're doing it right.

When certain friendships become distant and hard to maintain, because your life now revolves around that tiny human being, it makes it difficult to explain, but you're still doing it right.

After you have done all you can and they still aren't happy, you tell them you love them and quietly shut the door. It's harder than anything to walk away, but they're now exhausted and asleep. You're doing it right. 

On those days when you have worried yourself to death over whether or not the person you left your child with is doing all the right things, or if they miss you so much they won't behave for them. They will be ok, and you are doing it right. 

When you've been so busy with pediatricians, a sleep schedule, go-sees, play dates, and juggling life, that your hair stylist calls because you've missed your last two color/cut appointments. And even though you know and she knows your hair looks like total shit and you probably won't be available anytime soon, the two of you reschedule anyway. Yeah, you're doing it right. 

That night when the laundry has piled up into the highest mountain it's ever been in, and you sacrifice stopping to get detergent on your way home because you had a cranky baby in the back that you just wanted out of his/her damn car seat. You're doing it right. 

That awkward moment when you've seen the ABC Mouse commercial so many times you start to wonder where the hell it was when you were failing elementary math. You've probably been inside too long, catering to a boss who is 32 inches tall, and cabin fever has destroyed your brain. You're going to recover, because you're doing it right. 

When the grocery store is on your to-do list but never actually gets done, amongst many other things, and you're in line at Chickfila for the third night in a row getting a kids four count nugget meal, yes, you're still doing it right. 

If every time you open your vehicle door, tiny toys come pouring out onto the pavement, you're doing it right.

And if you've ever been cleaning out your vehicle and found a dirty diaper from God only knows when, and you think to yourself, "it must be really bad that I didn't smell this in here." We all go nose blind as mommas, and you're doing it right. 

On those Saturday mornings when the kid is awake at 6 AM for some unknown reason, and all you want to do is stay in bed and turn off your monitor so you can pretend you are sixteen again with no responsibilities... you are normal. And yes, you're still doing it right. 

When your kid leaves the room and you realize you've been watching Nick Jr. For the last twenty minutes without them around, it's ok. You're doing it right. 

Laziness has completely taken over and you start buying Walmart brand cinnamon rolls to heat up in the morning so you don't have to cook your kid a breakfast that requires effort. Hey, if they don't throw it in the floor, you're doing it right. 

When nap time rolls around and you know you need to load the dishwasher, but all you can envision is the inside of your eyelids, go ahead, some things aren't worth more than your sanity, and they can wait. You're doing it right. 

When you swore up and down you wouldn't give your child heavy sugar for a snack, but frosted animal crackers are the only thing that will shut him/her up, you're not doing it the way you planned, but you're still doing it right. 

When your kid has been so attached to you that you forget what it's like to be alone with your husband, embrace it. It's almost like a first date ha! You're doing it right. :) 

If your back is aching from changing crib bedding because his/her diaper has leaked for the third time this week, and you finally start questioning the act of layering diapers at night. You're still sane, and you're doing it right. (Btw, it does work lmao) 

When you've questioned doing something obviously frowned upon with your child in tow. Ex: "I wonder if he/she can come in the liquor store with me to get wine?" Lmao, you're probably just tired, and you're doing it right. 

Those Friday nights when you long to go out and see that new movie you've been hearing so much about but you don't have a babysitter, or you're still struggling with trusting someone enough, so you turn on Netflix for the fifth night in a row, pop some corn, and hope to God the spawn doesn't hear. That new movie will be on DVD in a few weeks, and you're doing it right.

You find yourself lonely or bored on more than one occasion, and craving adult conversation, but you feel guilty for wanting to do anything but spend those precious moments all with your baby. We all need a break. It's logical, it's understandable and it's doing things right. 

The days when you are sick with what feels like death and you can hardly move from the horrible body ache, but you somehow manage to pry yourself up off the couch and entertain a needy, clingy kid, you're slow and lethargic, but still doing it right.

When you passively insult your husband through your child. Ex: "Daddy is just a pain in the ass today, isn't he?" It's a mom thing, and we can get away with. You're doing it right.

The day your child discovers standing up in the shopping cart and you almost feel like calling cooperate because there's no shopping carts with straps that actually fit around your child's waist or aren't f*cking broken. You totally have an incentive to lose your shit, and you're losing it right.

When the thought of knocking yourself out with a meat cleaver comes to mind because the, "Do the Chucky!" dance commercial is on for the eighth time in the half hour, I feel ya, and you're doing it right. 

Running to the store with who knows what all over your tshirt, smelling like baby formula, barf, or a dirty diaper, but feeling like a million because you've managed to be super Mom. You own that shit. You're doing it right. 

Having AT LEAST one or two people everywhere you go tell you how cute your kid(s) is/are and leaving wondering if you should look into baby modeling. Your genetics made a looker, you couldn't help it. You just did it right. ;)

You've been so angry that your child won't listen, or that they've tested your patience all day long, and then they look up at you with the cutest smile you've ever seen and you forget they're punishment entirely. You're a softy, and you're doing it right. 

When sticky handprints on the window or marker on the wall become regular works of art around the house, don't feel embarrassed or obligated to clean. You, Piccaso's mother, are in good company. and you're doing it right.

And even during the roughest times when you have cried yourself to sleep from feeling like a failure, or like you haven't done the best thing, or when everyone else is telling you you're doing it wrong. You've got the upper hand. You're that babys momma, ONLY YOU. And guess what? You're gonna make it, because you're doing it right. :)

 

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My someday Daughter-in-Law: what I won't do for you.

Someday, you and my son will meet and fall in love. You are going to be young and unsure and probably a little stupid lol. I mean that in the best possible way. I am writing this to you because you are not yet around, and the sooner I write this to you, the better.

When my son's heart begins to tie all those little strings to yours, he will make the decision to let you deeper into his life. He will make himself vulnerable. But he will be giving me a wonderful gift by doing that, and this gift will last until my days on this earth are over. I will be meeting you for the very first time. When this happens, both our lives will change.

I never want you to feel like I am judging you because I will never cross those lines. I will never make you feel as if you have to be someone else in order to fit in with our family. You will always be welcome to be who you are. The fact that you are different is great. There will be so much that you can teach me by being who you are. Neither of us are perfect, and although we will have our contentions, you and I will never get past the point of no return. Because I will not be that type of mother to you. You have been molded and shaped by things in your past that have given you the qualities you now possess. I want you to teach me about who you are and why. Don't ever think that I don't want to know you. I do. I want to know the woman my son has given his whole heart to. I will always give you a chance.

A new home, the one you will move into with my little boy, will be an exciting time in your relationship. I will be here when you ask. I would love to help you. I would love to give you my opinions and my thoughts. One of my biggest passions is decorating, but I will not over step my bounds. You are your own individual, and I know you will have a beautiful eye. I want you to develop your sense of independence, so you can become the wife that doesn't always have to have a helping hand. And you may already be that person, even before you meet my son. But I want you to feel like you have the freedom to express yourself the way you see fit without me intervening. It is YOUR new home and I would love nothing more than to see you create it.

When my son asks you to marry him, and I know he will because he is going to fall madly in love with everything about you, just know that before this wedding planning process even begins, I am 110% supportive. I beg of you to never doubt that. Nothing about him marrying you will ever be a disappointment to me. Not that you should be THAT concerned with how I feel anyway. If the sweet little boy that I gave birth to has found a new reason for his heart to beat, and that reason is you, I will have a love for you that you can't even begin to understand. The happiness that you bestow upon his life will bring that much more to mine, because it means everything to me to see my son live a happy life. I am overwhelmed with joy that you are going to forever be a part of it. Although it will be difficult to see a new woman walk into his life, after he has been only mine for so very long, I will be ready to accept the change, and I will find comfort in knowing that the blessings in his life are only just beginning. I will have spent many years preparing myself for the moment when he tells me he has found his soul mate, and that he is going to pop the question. I will be ready, and I will be there for him. I will encourage him. I will give him the unconditional love that he will expect from his Mother.

Someday, my sweet daughter-in-law, if or when you become pregnant with my grandchild, life will be crazy. It will be exciting and scary and you will feel so out of your element. You will experience every emotion known to man. Your thoughts will go from, "I just want to hold this baby right now!" to, "How in the hell am I going to keep another human alive?!" I am going to be bursting with so much energy that I can hardly contain myself. From the moment the two of you share the news with me, I will be ready to buy the pink bows or the blue blankets. But I know you and my son will feel the same. All eyes will be on you, and the attention will be almost overwhelming. But I want that for the two of you. I want you to receive the oohs and ahhs. I want you to be showered with thankfulness and love for this new little life you will be bringing into our world. You should feel like you deserve all of it, like you are on cloud nine, and I want to assist with that feeling. I promise to put my applause and thrill on hold, so that the two of you can experience what it is like to enjoy your first pregnancy. Sometimes a little bit of silence can mean more than words. There will be shopping trips and baby showers and gender reveals. The stage will be yours, and I will be one truly happy audience.

You are a mom now. You will bring a piece of Heaven into this world and my son will fall in love all over again. You will give our family another legacy. Not only will my son's love for you be greater, but the moment they place that beautiful little baby in his arms, he will feel a kind of love that he has never felt before. This child is a part of him. He/she is a part of him, and a part of the woman that he so desperately admires. You, sweetie, will be tired. Your body will hurt and you will long for even a ten minute nap. You will ask your own mother for advice on how you should handle things. I will  tell you this, your mother is going to be your true guidance. She will know what to say and how to say it and she will help you the way she sees fit. She will do what is right for you and your child. Never will she direct you down the wrong path. Why isn't your newborn sleeping at all? Why is he/she screaming as if he/she is in pain? What do you do when the formula is causing his/her tummy to be upset? Your mother will give you her best known instruction. She will tell you things she did with you when you were a baby, things that helped not only you rest, but her, as well. She was able to get peace by doing these things, and by no means would she ever give you any guidance that would cause your little one harm. I will stand by her. I will second her opinion, understanding that she is your mother and that this is your child. You rely on her, and that is to be expected. I promise to never make you feel like what you are doing is a bad thing. I may not always agree with the choices you make, but I am going to stand beside you regardless, because I know what it is like to have people judge your every parental decision. I know what it is like to cry yourself to sleep just hoping and praying that everyone around you will just shut up and let you do your trial and error. After all, becoming a mom is a learning process that never really ends.

My beautiful DIL, your marriage may not always be perfect. Everyone falls short and makes mistakes. That is life. I will be here for you, no matter what. You can always count on me to love you and take care of you, just as if you were my own child. The feelings you have and the life you are living mean everything to me and I would never do anything to make you feel as if it doesn't. You are going to be the reason my son gets to experience a love like no other. You will show him what a woman really is. He will be so in awe at how strong you are when you become a mother. How even after four consecutive weeks of hardly any sleep, you are still able to get the house cleaned and dinner ready by 5:30. There will be times you turn to me for help, and there will be times you would rather not hear my input. That is OK. Never be ashamed of wanting space. Never feel any sort of guilt for not wanting my advice. You are my family, my friend, the mother of my grandchild, and first and foremost, the love of my little boy's life. We will understand each other, even when times get tough. That is what unconditional love is about. Sometimes I may think I'm right and you're wrong, but I make a promise to you that my pride will never be worth giving up the life I have with the family you have built with my child.

As I come to a close here, please know that I already have a debt I will make payments to everyday. A debt to you that I will always be polishing. To be the best possible second mother I can be. I will strive to be better each day and when I fall short, please give me the benefit of the doubt because I am trying. I didn't have the best mother-in-law, but she did teach me a lot. Everything I have written are things she unknowingly taught me. Even though I hold no ties to the woman, I also hold no grudges, because if she did anything at all for me in the short four years I got to know her, she taught me about everything I WILL NOT be for you.

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