I believe the sole foundations of a good marriage are communication, honesty, self-care, and most of all, friendship. Being able to laugh together, make each other feel good, and solve even the toughest of issues without the unnecessary brewing of a heated argument. Granted, that doesn't always happen, it's always a great goal to pursue. But, I get it, we're still human.
One of the most beautiful things I've discovered about marriage is that it's more than just, "someone always being there." I've found myself, and who I really am, through the gift of marriage. I've discovered the things I truly want and need to thrive as a wife and mother, and I've grown attached to my husband helping me figure out all of those things. I love my marriage because I can still have my womanly independence, all the while knowing it is totally acceptable for me to depend on someone else when I need to.
I was once told that my husband and I were "weird" because he makes it a point to call me daily just to talk. Sometimes, he calls for a minute and other days we talk for an hour. (He has a really great job!) But this person looked down on me, and told me that we weren't normal, because we could carry on a lengthy conversation. Her choice of words were, "you can talk to your husband for an hour?" Almost as if it was unheard of, and shocking, that I enjoyed talks with the man I'm married to. I just sort of sat there, wondering if I should be questioning her, "you mean, you can't?" This person also told me that we were odd because my husband never says anything bad about me. That it's not, "the norm" to have literally no desire to harp on your spouse when everyone else in the conversation is hating on theirs. Obviously, this woman has marriage issues that she is very immature and vocal about, so I didn't take it too much to heart. But I guess, that's another one of those moments when I realized there are very big differences in every marriage. Some people say, "I do," for all the wrong reasons. And some people feel obligated to get married. Some just like the idea of marriage, the idea of the word, "wife." And some... some are just plain unhappy people who cannot be satisfied with or without life long commitments.
I am not weak, because I sometimes need my spouse to help me stay stable, and strong. I married him because he is my rock. He is who I lean on when I feel like I could collapse at any moment. I have two children, a house, college courses and a side career in writing that I have really enjoyed pursuing. Those days of feeling like I could shatter do happen. It's reassuring to know that when I'm breaking, there's someone who knows how to help me put the pieces back together. Someone who 100% supports me in all of the things that I set my mind to. And I know, that whether I succeed, or fail miserably, he's still going to think I'm the greatest woman in the world.
My husband and I are not "whipped," because we ask each other for permission before we go out or make plans. There is a stigma now that I don't understand. A stigma attached to men and women who have a mutual respect for one another, almost as if it's petty and something to poke fun at. My husband and I have a courtesy for each other, and we respect that there are two people in this relationship who need a life outside of our marriage, two people who still very much deserve their freedom (even though with kids, that's a tough one to make happen.) Making plans is not a big deal around our house, because we neither one have much extra time for them, but when the occasion does occur, we have an understanding. We love each other, and with that, we compromise. This is a loving, loyal marriage, it is not a holding cell. Please learn the difference before you criticize what you have no clue about.
I am not insecure or needy, because I love to do things with my husband - and my husband is not "under my thumb" because he enjoys my company, as well. We are best friends. I can tell him anything, and I do, because I can't think of anything more amazing than hearing his voice. We have a great relationship underneath these wedding rings and written vows. We have so much in common, and we may not always have the same interests, but it's never been hard to share even those things because of our lasting interest in each other. Spending time together is what continues to give us that closer bond. I've met people who say they need a break from their spouse because they feel suffocated, and that's completely fine to need time to yourself. But I'm not one of those women. I don't NEED time alone. I don't mind it when it does happen, because I have two children pulling on my leg all day, but it's not something I go out of my way to have. Obviously, if I did need it, I would make it a priority, but my husband is my go-to, and he's fun. He makes me enjoy whatever it is I'm doing, and if spending my life with him is an insult to you, then you might need to find yourself a new friend.
My husband and I are not two "off the wall" human beings because we don't bash each other in large groups, or to other people. I mean, sure, we have our fair share of arguments, and some go unsolved. I'm sure there really are days when he is tired, and feels like throwing me away, but out of respect for myself, our marriage and all that we've built together, he takes a deep breath and gives me another try. I'm a wreck more often than not, but he's always willing to help me clean up whatever mess I've gotten myself into. We don't need to tell the world our problems, or air out our dirty laundry to the first person who will listen. I firmly believe that a lot of the marriage issues in the world stem from lack of communication or communication to others regarding your relationship issues, instead of having those conversations with your spouse. I believe that negative public exposure of your problems will not better your relationship. Imagine the hurt, and the anguish that would arise if instead of telling other people, you told your significant other all of those negative things you said when you were angry or frustrated with them. Would you still be willing to open your mouth as easily? It's ok to not always agree, and to not always think that your partner is the greatest thing since sliced bread. We all have days like that now and again, but you should never make it a goal to gossip about your spouse. For better, or worse, remember?
I don't live my life for other people. I don't love my husband because I'm expected to. I love him because he's everything that I can't be. I love him because he is the father of my two beautiful children. I love him because he makes me feel good about myself when I'm feeling down. I love him because he never stops working hard for our family. Because he leaves early in the morning and kisses my forehead even if I'm still sleeping. I love him because he, with zero doubts, supports my work, no matter what work it is that day. And even if I fall down over and over again, he is still there cheering me on to the next thing.
Marriage is not simple, it's not easy, and it's not something you're going to wake up one day and have all figured out. But you can choose to work at it everyday, and have a positive outlook. I'm thankful to have such a wonderful relationship. Myself and my happiness are in no way affected by what one person thinks of me or my marriage.
So, to this judgmental woman, who was shocked by my ability to have long conversations with my husband - maybe, just maybe, you should be less worried about the length of time I spend talking to mine, and start actually talking to yours. :)
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