Dear sixteen year old me

Dear sixteen year old me,

Life is hard, but it is not as complicated as you are making it. Slow down, take your time, and open your eyes. The problem is, you are paying attention to all the wrong things. You are dying on all the wrong hills. This life really is good, and your future is going to be amazing. Hold on. I promise you it's going to be worth it. 

Give things a chance. Stop second guessing yourself. You might actually be good at whatever you're thinking about trying. Don't sell yourself short of anything. You just might regret it later if you do. 

Let loose and have some fun. Join in. You don't have to be so hard on yourself. You don't have to fall in line with the rest of the world. It's ok to be yourself. I know that you want to work hard, and I know that you want to be smarter, but it's really going to be ok if you give yourself a break. You aren't going to have it together all the time - and I'm here to tell you, 10+ years later, you still won't have your shit 100% together. It's life, and you might as well get used to things being all over the place now.

I wish I could say that you're going to stay close to everyone you are close to now, but unfortunately, that isn't going to happen. You're going to lose people. Friendships will fade. People you thought would always be there will disappear for all sorts of reasons. People you made plans with. People you told everything to. People you couldn't imagine your life without. But, you will learn as time goes on, it's a necessary part of the growing up process. It's a part of the change that comes with adulthood. We all go different directions in life. It's to be expected. You will always carry a different kind of love in your heart for these people. Never lose grip on that love. You may all be in different areas of life right now, some may even be in different parts of the world, but you are still bonded in a way that no one else will ever be bonded. It's a pretty incredible gift. 

Your body is fine. You look fine. And you're going to be fine. You don't need to be perfect. You don't have to be a certain number on the scale to be beautiful. You are beautiful the way you are. You are far too young to spend your time counting calories. Don't make adolescence a heap of misery because you feel like what you already are is not enough. You are enough. There is no real definition of beauty, because diversity is what makes up this world. That's what makes it so great. Obsessing is only killing your happiness, and trust me when I say, you want your happiness alive. 

That mean girl? The bully. The one who tortures you. The one who is only happy if she is making others feel bad about themselves. The one who is tormenting you in the hallway every single day. The one who the teachers let get away with whatever she damn well pleases. DO NOT give her the time of day. DO NOT waste your time trying to understand why she is the way she is. DO NOT give in to her. Do not let her make you feel like you can't get up, and face the day. Your future is bright. So bright. Remember, no matter what, to stay strong. To stay kind, even when it feels brutal to do so. You reap what you sew. You get what you give. And time will have a distinct way of showing you that. 

Don't drink an entire bottle of wine in a two hour time frame. You are a small framed child, who hasn't had many alcohol encounters in your short sixteen years. Plus, I know you ate some of those spicy pickles beforehand and that's not going to feel or taste so great coming up. And mark my words, it will come up. There's plenty of time to enjoy wine later. Trust me. 

Boys. Oh boys. I know right now it seems like having a boyfriend, or a date to the dance, is the most important thing. But trust me when I say, it's not. You have so much time to find the good guy. You have plenty of time to fall in love. I know the heartache hurts, and it's ok to feel it. It's part of growing up. But there is so much joy ahead for that little struggling heart of yours. And since I am in the future, I get to tell you that, you are the luckiest girl in the world. Your teenage relationship attempts, failures and heartbreaks are all part of an extraordinary path that is going to lead you to the right man's arms. A man who is going to love you, unconditionally, for the rest of your life. He will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Yes, you are going to make mistakes with the wrong ones along the way. Yes, you're going to cry. And yes, you're going to have setbacks. But pick yourself up and stay a fighter. This man is going to steal your heart someday, and he's worth pulling through for. 

Cherish the care free moments of your adolescence. Cherish the freedom and the lack of obligation and responsibility. These days are going to fly by quicker than you can imagine. Seize the day. Sleep in. Take twice as many pictures. Read a few more good books. Love, and when the sun rises tomorrow, love some more. Enjoy those long summer nights, laughing with your best friend. The football games. The crowd cheering as you and your cheerleading squad take the field at half time. Spend time with your family, and make extra time for your grandfather. 

Stand up for yourself, and have the courage to walk away when you don't feel comfortable. You are not wrong for doing what is right. Sometimes, the best thing you can say is no. You may lose potential friends, and you may not fit in - that's ok. Fitting in isn't all it's cracked up to be anyway. Besides, I can already tell you that the future wasn't so kind to the ones who felt mighty enough to throw those stones. People will always be critiquing your decisions. There will always be some kind of rumor about you. Embrace who you are, and why you walk away, during those times. Never fear it. And never let anyone make you feel bad for it. It's a rare, but nifty quality to have. 

Listen to your parents. Seriously, listen to them. Stop rolling your eyes. Wipe the smirk off your face. They are right and you are wrong. Majority of the time anyway. :) You'll fight them every chance you can, because you are you, and you feel as if your way is the best way. I hate to break it to you, but, you don't know shit. You are sixteen. They've been around the block. They know a thing or two. And they are trying to understand you. Cut them some slack. Raising a teenager is not easy, especially if they're dealing with more than one at a time. Give them a little credit. 

Right now, you believe so wholeheartedly, and so passionately. You somehow found trust in something because the world expected you to. You are at a vulnerable and naive age - and sadly, that is when you are the perfect prey. Don't jump the gun too soon. You don't have to conform. Don't be afraid to question anything and everything - and never, ever be scared to open your mind. This world is always changing. It's full of so many unique things you haven't quite seen the full potential of yet. Things that hide in the shadows, but shouldn't have to. And unfortunately in a conformed and manipulated world, unconditional kindness and acceptance are frowned upon. There are so many human beings in this world, and they each live a different lifestyle. None of which are wrong, or bad, or deserving of hatred. Always choose love and acceptance, in spite of what others may tell you. You may become the enemy for a while, and I'm sorry it has to be that way, but one of the most incredible things about your beliefs is that they are yours, and yours alone. They always will be. Your beliefs don't belong to any book, or tub of water, or pastor, church, or congregation. They belong to YOU. 

Forgive yourself. I know you're probably sitting in your room, crying, racking your brain over and over again... Listening to that shitty sad mix CD you made for times like these. This may come as news to you: You will screw up. A million times. You are human. You are a human teenager, at that. It's not the end of the world if things don't go exactly as you planned, and all is not lost if you make a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes. They teach you, and make you a better person. Life is tricky. Sometimes, you get the test first and the lesson later. That will become more clear to you with age. All of the things that seem like such a big deal right now - will seem so small when you look back on them someday. Don't sweat the small stuff. In some cases, you will wish you'd done differently. Other times, you'll be thankful things turned out the way they did. There's a method to this life and all it's madness. Scouts honor.

Also, stay the fuck off of MySpace and Xanga. They are only going to get you in a shit load of trouble.