I think, too often, we spend our time comparing our life to someone else’s. Society has given us a mindset of being on a crunch for time. Social media and it’s false portrayal of reality often causes us to feel like we are too far ahead, or slacking behind. We look at celebrities in envy, comparing our bodies, goals and luxuries with theirs. We look at certain individuals, friends, enemies, sisters, brothers, idols, and consider them more attractive, deserving, or intelligent. We wonder, ‘why can’t we get there.’ We’re looking to compete with the person next to us instead of working to better ourselves. We look at other people, and determine how successful we are on our totem pole based off of where they are on theirs. Trying to get to the next phase of life. Trying to make a deadline. Trying to make something work that isn’t working because it just isn’t the right time, and we feel like we’re drowning because we’ve been made to feel like it has to be NOW. But who really makes up these deadlines? Why are we in such a hurry? Sure, we only get so many years in a life, but it’s not an hour glass. What kind of life would we live if we had constant anxiety about how much of it we had left? Who put a date and time on when and how you figure out what’s best for you? Who set barriers and road blocks for when something can/should happen? Who decided what a “normal” life is?
We turn 18, and we immediately start to feel rushed. Graduation, college, career, marriage, house, kids. Let’s cram it all in before we have time to truly enjoy a single moment. Then we creep up on 30 and it’s like, “oh, now your biological clock is ticking.” “So, when is your baby coming?” “When is your NEXT baby coming?” Why are you waiting so long for this, and for that. And we can’t win, because even when we think we have it all together, there’s judgments, and questions. “Don’t you want to go to college?” “What is taking you so long?” “Now, make sure you get educated in something that matters!” As if the career goals we’ve set for ourselves simply aren’t going to keep us afloat later in life. “Why do you have such a high degree but no job? “Why do you stay home with your kids? You must just not want to work.” “Why do you have so many kids? Do you not know what birth control is?” Some women want big families, some women struggle to have even one baby. Some simply don't have a desire for children at all. It’s really not up for discussion. Life goals, decisions, and the way they happen are not anyone’s business but your own. More often than not, the judgement and critiquing is coming from someone who didn’t meet a single endeavor of their own. So, don’t take it to heart. There’s unsolicited advice and expectations from people who really don’t even matter, but we try to see a point of view because we care. We’re human.
So many people are unsatisfied with their current place in life, because of timing. Not because of actual time itself, but because someone else, at some point in their life, has set their standards for when the right time actually is. Try to remember that as long as you are living your life to the fullest, you are in the right place, doing the right thing. If doing what you are doing right now, in this moment, makes you happy, then do it. If you are working toward something you want, do so without worrying about whether or not your best friend has already done it. Do so without concerning yourself with what people will think, or how they will react if it doesn’t make it’s, “deadline.” Stop marking your calendar. Stop anticipating. Stop racing through life with other people in mind. Think about yourself. Have a little faith in yourself, and grace, because you will have setbacks, and mountains to climb. You will have to start over a thousand times. And maybe a thousand more. But you will climb them. Trust your goals. Trust your plans. YOUR plans. This is your life. This is your happiness. This is your time. Don’t ever let anyone take away, put a schedule on or make assumptions of that time. You decide your life. You make it happen, and make it happen when you believe it should. Some people will say negative things to you. They will say negative things about you. They’ll knock your goals every chance they get. They’ll make you feel beneath them, or not good enough. That is when it’s important to remember that it isn’t about them. This is your journey. Run with it. Or walk. However YOU are most comfortable getting there, as long as you are happy.
We turn 18, and we immediately start to feel rushed. Graduation, college, career, marriage, house, kids. Let’s cram it all in before we have time to truly enjoy a single moment. Then we creep up on 30 and it’s like, “oh, now your biological clock is ticking.” “So, when is your baby coming?” “When is your NEXT baby coming?” Why are you waiting so long for this, and for that. And we can’t win, because even when we think we have it all together, there’s judgments, and questions. “Don’t you want to go to college?” “What is taking you so long?” “Now, make sure you get educated in something that matters!” As if the career goals we’ve set for ourselves simply aren’t going to keep us afloat later in life. “Why do you have such a high degree but no job? “Why do you stay home with your kids? You must just not want to work.” “Why do you have so many kids? Do you not know what birth control is?” Some women want big families, some women struggle to have even one baby. Some simply don't have a desire for children at all. It’s really not up for discussion. Life goals, decisions, and the way they happen are not anyone’s business but your own. More often than not, the judgement and critiquing is coming from someone who didn’t meet a single endeavor of their own. So, don’t take it to heart. There’s unsolicited advice and expectations from people who really don’t even matter, but we try to see a point of view because we care. We’re human.
So many people are unsatisfied with their current place in life, because of timing. Not because of actual time itself, but because someone else, at some point in their life, has set their standards for when the right time actually is. Try to remember that as long as you are living your life to the fullest, you are in the right place, doing the right thing. If doing what you are doing right now, in this moment, makes you happy, then do it. If you are working toward something you want, do so without worrying about whether or not your best friend has already done it. Do so without concerning yourself with what people will think, or how they will react if it doesn’t make it’s, “deadline.” Stop marking your calendar. Stop anticipating. Stop racing through life with other people in mind. Think about yourself. Have a little faith in yourself, and grace, because you will have setbacks, and mountains to climb. You will have to start over a thousand times. And maybe a thousand more. But you will climb them. Trust your goals. Trust your plans. YOUR plans. This is your life. This is your happiness. This is your time. Don’t ever let anyone take away, put a schedule on or make assumptions of that time. You decide your life. You make it happen, and make it happen when you believe it should. Some people will say negative things to you. They will say negative things about you. They’ll knock your goals every chance they get. They’ll make you feel beneath them, or not good enough. That is when it’s important to remember that it isn’t about them. This is your journey. Run with it. Or walk. However YOU are most comfortable getting there, as long as you are happy.
I adore my life. I have never been super woman with timing, but I definitely stumbled across my husband at what couldn't have been a better, more complicated time in my life. I was busy. I was barley 20 and in college. I was pre occupied with the chaos. And to say I was not remotely mature enough for a serious relationship would have been an understatement. and oh boy could I tell you some stories about my anxiety back then. I’m thankful for my husband, because he wasn't all about the, "timing." He was all about when I was ready. I wouldn’t have done many of the things I’ve done without his encouragement. I’m thankful for my beautiful children, who show me everyday that time spent savoring the moment really is what means the most. Between all the plates I spin, and the frenzy I work myself into, it's my babies who continue to teach me the true value of things falling into place at the right moment. My health is something I’ve learned to embrace, because it hasn’t been the greatest, and a pregnancy that is thriving when I wasn’t sure it would. I’m proud of our lovely home. It’s ours, and it's warm. It's welcoming comfort, jam packed with toys coated in sticky handprints and animal cracker crumbs. I’m blessed to be surrounded daily by incredible people who motivate me when I don’t feel so motivated. I’m fortunate to hold an education I am proud of, and to live in a world where I can write and speak freely because it’s what I absolutely love to do. But, it took me a long time to understand that my timing wasn’t based on everyone else’s. I am almost 28 years old and there are still so many things I want to do and see. I spent years struggling trying to figure out my path. Trying to shed the stress other people had put on me to do things, be things, that I just absolutely couldn’t at the time. I spent a lot of time being frustrated with myself because things weren’t happening in this picture perfect way. But when I took a step back, I realized, that picture perfect way wasn’t actually mine. It was often someone else’s. It was often something I had simply grown familiar to hearing, or seeing, not figuring out myself. I will pursue the rest of my goals, dreams and future. I will do more of the things I want to do. It may not be today, and it may not be next week. I will probably make a huge mess and it won’t go as I planned. But I will laugh. I will still love who I am regardless of the off road challenges. I was told after my first son was born that it was in my best interest to not have anymore children due to an unexpected diagnosis of MS and the way my body was, "malfunctioning." Guess what? I had another baby. And am scheduled to have yet another in July. Someone up there clearly thought differently about the plans another person had for me. 😉 I want to share this mindset with others because I see the shame and burden of high expectation so often. It’s unfortunately become a cruel reality that can really hurt people. Life is valuable, but it is only going to appear that way if you value your life, and that value comes from YOUR happiness. It’s ok to take it one day at a time. Some of the greatest accomplishments in the world come from weeks, months, and even years of preparation and perseverance. And most of all, belief in a dream. Don’t ever let someone else put a time stamp on that dream.
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