One of the things I love most about being married is having a best friend, always by my side. I love knowing that no matter what I do, I'm always going to have someone to share things with. The good, the bad, and the unexpected. I love having a partner, someone to make me laugh, and create everlasting memories with. Despite what the skeptics say, it truly is a wonderful thing to spend your life committed to loving someone. I'm so thankful every single day that I got to marry my husband. My world would be so different, and so dull, without him. I've been very fortunate to have such an great relationship. From the beginning, it's been a pretty fantastic journey.
My husband and I lived together for two years prior to having our first born. We were pretty spontaneous, made a lot of rash decisions, and had a pretty upbeat lifestyle. We liked it that way. It was fun to fly by the seat of our pants from time to time. I spent a lot of time cooking the two of us a fancy dinner, planning out date nights and sprucing up things when we would spend nights in. I loved to get dressed up and put on makeup. It made me feel good when my then boyfriend, now husband, gawked at me. When we had our first son, I knew that becoming a mother would consume a large amount of the time I was able to spend just being a girlfriend/wife before. I was ok with that, because I knew that it was simply part of the process of starting a life together and having a family. It was part of transitioning into not just a mother, but a responsible adult.
The first year of juggling parenthood, and marriage was pretty hard. Harder than I had expected. I was tired, hormonal, side tracked, and overwhelmed. Not to mention trying to recover from carrying and birthing a 9 lb baby. We had to cut off communication with my in-laws about 5 months into my oldest son's first year, and my parents live in Texas, so it was a tough time to be coping with the newborn stage. Not to brag, but, I like to think I took it like a champ. My kids were both amazing as babies. I got lucky. Most nights, I got to sleep 7-8 hours or more. But, it was still a trial to not have any sort of help during the day. Some days, I just wanted relief to take a half hour nap, because the 24-7 thing was getting exhausting. A trip to the store alone would've been nice every now and again. Motherhood is lonely when you've had to move away from everyone and everything you've ever known. I hadn't made any friends in Oklahoma because as a former Texan, full-time mother, and college student, I wasn't able to get out much. I spent all my days doing homework, soaking bottles or hurrying to wash clothes before the spit up soured. During this time, I gave my husband a run for his money. My mind was racing. I was too tired to think, and slacking in the marriage department, big time. I had a hard time putting wife AND mother on the same [already] spinning plate. I struggled with putting effort into my appearance, worried about my weight, and the way pregnancy had changed my body, and lets not even get into how off the wall my moods were. I had forgotten how to be more than just a mother. I had forgotten what it was like to love that feeling of being a couple with my husband. Everything in the world was on my mind except for my marriage. Still, my loving husband put up with me, and made me feel like it would all be ok.
Don't get me wrong, becoming a mother is one of my proudest moments. I feel like I'm always learning new things as mom. It's an ever changing journey that I'm really enjoying. My kids make me smile, and warm my heart on even the darkest of days. But, I've always loved being a wife, too. I've loved the idea of it. The thought of it. The experiences. As a little girl, I always had deep admiration for women who were fortunate enough to be truly good at the whole 'be a wife' thing. It wasn't until I got married that I realized, it's not about being "good" at it. It's about what you do to make it good, to keep it good. It's about where your focus is, and how well you distribute your attention and time. I can't say it's always the easiest thing to figure it all out, but there has never been anything in the world that has made me question my role as a wife. Before my kids and their needs devoured my time, it meant everything to me to be the best wife I could possibly be, and one night, it dawned on me. It still meant the world to me. I had just let myself get preoccupied on one specific area of my life. I didn't have to forget I was a wife just because I became a mother. It was up to me to make it a priority. Sure, time for fancy dinners and movies became a little more scarce, and I had other things to spend time on, but that didn't mean I couldn't set aside particular moments, and certain times to just devote myself to being a wife to my husband. I absolutely adore my kids. They are a huge light in my life. But so is my husband - So is our marriage. Marriage to me has always been an important thing to acknowledge. I don't like to let things overwhelm me, and cloud my desire to be there for my husband. Motherhood is so important, and such a great thing to devote your life and time to, but it doesn't mean that passion should no longer exist. I feel like a large part of being a good mom is showing your children a good, positive and sturdy relationship. A different sort of smile lights up my face when my husband and I get to spend time together, just us. It is a whole new level of joy. I guess it would have to be, given our only nights out alone happen maybe twice a year. :) My husband and I don't get the luxury weekend date night, or the long trips away. We rarely have time to ourselves. I won't lie to you, it's pretty brutal. It puts a strain on creativity, and let me tell you, nothing puts a road block on thinking outside the box like not having a babysitter. Especially being two people who really long for that time together. But, we've been pretty incredible at still finding ways to make our relationship and alone time a must. We have learned to make our own ideas. Our kids won't be small forever, and we know that. A lot of our time now is spent simply cherishing and savoring these moments. Admiring one another. Squeezing in togetherness when we can, and making the most of our time as a family. I want my children to see two people who love and respect each other. Two people who always go out of their way to make time for one another. It's important to me to show them a great example of what marriage should be like.
It's never simple to master the art of wearing multiple hats. Being married and having children are two very underestimated jobs. You do so many different things, and deal with a mess of chaos on the regular. There are going to be some weeks you forget who you are, because you are so focused on what everyone else needs. Some days you will be consumed by a pile of laundry, work, school or just life in general. It will happen. But, try not to forget to devote time to being a spouse, too. Single out a few moments every evening to nurture your marriage so that it can grow, and thrive, even when life is busy. It has so many benefits. I have found that my kids make me happy, but that a large portion of my happiness also comes from the time I get to spend with my husband. During the time we spend together, I get to laugh with him. Enjoy a meal with him. Watch a movie, our favorite show, or hell, some nights we just fold laundry together. On many occasions, we just sit and talk. I'll never be ashamed of making my role as a wife a priority. I am always striving to be better at it everyday. I'll never be the perfect example of what a wife should be, and that's ok. I'm doing what I can. When you are on the twisting, turning road of wife and mom, it's all you can do. It's important to never forget yourself and your needs. Remember to take time for the things you love. ALL the things you love.
