Beauty all your own.

Let’s talk flaws, and self-esteem, and mirrors, and not realizing our true beauty even when it’s right in front of us. Seriously, your reflection. 

How many of you give yourself a hard time about your looks? Have you ever woke up, looked in the mirror and thought, “Why do I have to look like this?” or “I wish I could look like so&so.” Have you ever put something on and looked in the mirror and been disappointed because it didn’t look the way it did in the picture, on the model, or the mannequin? That was me. 🙋🏼‍♀️ That was me Every. Single. Morning. I would wake up, wash my face, brush my teeth, and take one passing glance eye roll in the mirror and think, “Ha, not much is going to make that face look decent.” I tore myself apart daily. It was a pretty terrible mind sickness, and let me tell you, it will rot any self-esteem you do have right out of your brain. 

You know what was so awful about that, other than the fact I was pretty much hating myself? I didn’t really know why I didn’t like the way I looked. I mean, I knew I had flaws that stuck out to me, but I didn’t really fully know the legitimate reason I felt that way. Guess what? It was because I was always trying to make myself someone else’s definition of beautiful. I was comparing myself to someone else all the time. I was trying to live up to the hype of the picture perfect skin, the beaming straight smile, or the skinniest body on the cover of the grocery store magazines. I was letting other people, and the world around me, dictate what “beauty” was. It was addicting, persuasive and so, so terrifying. It was all I could think about. Why was I not pretty like her? Why was I not a size 2? Why didn’t I get the perfect jaw line, or the perfect hair I could do anything with. Why why why. Why couldn’t I fit this mold of the beauty I saw around me. The world around us can be so corrupt for self image. Without even realizing, we allow it to poison our minds with frustration, anger, guilt, envy and doubt. Who says that I’m supposed to look just like the model who wore the top I ordered? No. One. Who says I have to have the same body type as her? NO. ONE. But, I allowed myself to expect that. 

Unfortunately, It is so easy to hate ourselves. I know. Sad. It should be easier to love who you are, but it isn’t. We spend 90% of our time critiquing ourselves, and if we aren’t critiquing, we’re criticizing. We are SO mean to ourselves. Would you say what you say about yourself to your little sister, mom, or your daughter/son? No. Absolutely not. It’s that cruel at times. Beauty is so much more than expensive clothes, fit bodies, “ideal” facial features and the perfect messy bun. It’s traits that have been past down over time. Traits that connect you to the wonderful family you have. It’s the strength to carry on when your heart has been shredded into a billion pieces. Have you ever seen another person who has been completely beaten down by life, but still, somehow, lives life to the fullest everyday, always smiling and thinking positive. It’s pretty beautiful to witness such great healing and strength in a person. Beauty is in the way you carry yourself, and help to carry others when they grow weary. Beauty is the smile you gave the stranger on aisle 6 today. You didn’t have to, but the kindness in your heart was beautiful enough to reach out to someone else. Someone you didn’t even know. It’s those moments of laughter and joy with the beautiful babies you prayed so hard for. Beautiful is the uniqueness, and diversity of human kind. We will never be the same - not a single one of us. We may not all agree, or have the same outlook on certain things, but I believe that is what makes us strong, and strength is a beauty of its own. I believe that we all have attributes that make us beautiful. I challenge you to look for your beauty in that mirror you cringe at. Pick out a few things you love about yourself every morning. Embrace those compliments you give yourself. Let them change the way you feel, and open up your eyes. You weren’t mass produced in an assembly line for a reason. 

Beauty is, in fact, a lot of the things you might hate looking at. Often times, our flaws are the very things that someone else finds intriguing. The way the light hits your forehead when you have no makeup on, the dimples in your smile, or the way your cheeks crinkle up during a moment of laughter. Sure, you may not look like some overly edited and photoshopped model, but you look like YOU - and nothing is more important. 

Never hate who you are, or the way you look. Don’t be intimated by negative thoughts of the mind. You can love that first look every morning. You were blessed to look like you, to think like you, to love like you, to BE YOU. Draining yourself emotionally, mentally, and physically, trying to look like, be like, act like, or impress someone else is simply a waste. Love the person you are. Love the beauty you’ve been so graciously given. It’s there, and it’s always been there. You know that saying, “Once you see it, you can’t unsee it?” I believe it. I believe that saying can justify many things, even beauty. 

Hold on tight to your self-esteem, and treat you body and mind right. You are the only one who can. Nourish it like you nourish everything else around you. You deserve the care and concern you’re always giving to others. You are one of a kind, and that’s pretty incredible. So buy the lipstick, try on the outfit, take the selfie. Loving yourself is too healthy to pass up. 

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Why are you always getting her flowers?

My husband brings me flowers all the time. They’re often random, out of the blue, and I never know anything about them until they get delivered, or I see him coming through the door holding them with a big smile on his face. He picks them up in the mornings on his way to work and keeps them in the fridge all day, or he’ll be out running an errand during the day and if he wants to do it, he does.

Every single time my husband gets my flowers, the first thing he hears, mostly from co-workers, when someone sees him carrying them is, “Damn dude, are you in trouble?” or “Man, you are whipped.” “Denver, I swear if I see you bring flowers one more time I’m gonna hurt you. You’re making me look bad.”

My husband does bring me flowers a lot. You’ll often see me post pictures of them. I know that bugs people. I don’t really understand why. I feel like when something good happens to us, we should want to share it with our friends and family. We should be applauding and supporting the sweet moments. There are so many bad things going on in the world right now. It’s almost hard to look at social media these days. If a post about a husband bringing his wife flowers bothers you, please, don’t hold it against yourself. You can delete me. 🤷🏽‍♀️ My husband doesn’t get me flowers because he is in trouble, and it’s surely not because I am this big fat meanie bossing him around all the time, giving him ultimatums. It’s not because he feels obligated to, and he doesn’t do it to show off for anyone. The flowers aren’t about anything other than his love for me.

Let me tell you something about the man that I married. He. Is. Amazing. Honestly, I think about it all the time. I dated a lot of jerks. It felt like for the longest time, there wasn’t a good man left out there. Then, he stumbled right into my crazy world, and we stumbled right into falling in love, and marriage, and buying a house, and babies. These days, our life is all over the place. Have you ever watched an egg get scrambled? It turns from yolk to scraped up mush in a matter of seconds. Hey there, that’s us. 👋🏽 Most of the time, my husband is working. When he’s not working, he is helping me do things around the house, running errands I forgot about, or playing with our kids who love to wrestle with him, and all the while, still making being a doting husband a priority for himself, and for me. He is the most thoughtful, caring and romantic man. Sometimes, I think he’s the last of a dying breed - one of the few chivalrous left on the planet. He goes out of his way to get me flowers because he thinks about me. I give him so much credit for that because there are days when I’m so busy and so tired I don’t even know I’m alive. I balance both my kids, myself, the cats 😂, with no relief. How could I possibly think about anyone else?! We don’t live this life where when he’s angry he feels like he needs to suck up to me. We work out any problems we run into the old fashioned way. Communication. Sure, roses are nice when you need to make a statement like “congratulations!” or “I’m sorry.” But that is not the only purpose they serve. “Just because” is OK. It’s OK! People really can just be good hearted. It’s so awful that we live in a world now where it’s questioned. There have literally been people shocked by the fact that Denver brings me flowers so often. It makes me sad he has to endure that, but at the same time extremely grateful that I have a husband who is willing to do that for me.

I married my husband because he was passionate about being with me from the very start. He pursued me, and he has never stopped. I married him because he is the type of man I wanted my children to look up to. We have two sons, and I know one day, maybe, they will get married and have a spouse of their own. I’m so grateful I chose such a good man. He is the ideal example of what I want my boys to see, and follow. Maybe, someday, they will have the same goals and ideas in their marriage, because they had a dad who kept the fire burning. They didn’t just see empty miserable parents, with a dissipating spark in their relationship - one that they were constantly having to blow on to keep lit.

My husband brings me flowers because he is thinking of me. Gasp! I know. He thinks of the woman he chose to share his  entire life with forever. Denver knows some days, even when I don’t say it, my world is complete chaos from sun up to sun down. I don’t know which way is up half the time. He knows that I am 400 miles away from my family and closest friends. That I stay tired. That I spin a million plates, and at the end of the day, I still don’t feel like I’m doing enough. That sometimes, I just need a pick me up. He thinks about those things. It may be hard to believe, but my day actually matters to him. He doesn’t breeze through his work day never thinking about anyone but himself. My husband would give the shirt off his back if he saw you struggling. He would go the extra mile every single day if it meant silver linings and benefits for the people he cares about. But he has a different kind of care for me, his wife. He loves me, and he’s not ashamed or afraid to show it. He doesn’t feel embarrassed when he’s in line with flowers. I love that about him. I love that he is proud of me, because it makes me proud of me.

I rarely ever see men with flowers anymore. I go into the store on Valentine’s Day, and sure. Men are scrambling for last minute cards, bears, chocolates and roses, but the rest of the year, nothing. The flower bin stays disappointingly full, and not a single person even acknowledges that it’s there. It’s such a waste, because a particular bouquet of roses or daisies won’t live forever. And they’re so beautiful. Don’t try to pull the whole, “not everyone can afford them” card because I have literally seen men buy $56 video games and boos, over flowers for their significant other. Give me a break. You may have to choose, and sometimes sacrifice. But who says it isn’t worth it?

So, the next time you’re the guy who is poking fun at the man who is getting his wife the roses, take a step back. Look at it from a different perspective. Swallow that pride you think is so valuable. Maybe think to yourself, “why am I NOT doing this for my wife?” You don’t have to do it everyday, and you don’t have to break the bank. It’s just an easy way to make your wife’s day. On the nights I go to bed unsure of how I’ll get up and do it all again tomorrow, I look at that vase of flowers on the counter and think to myself, “Well, the only person who really matters believes in me.” And that makes all the difference in the world. I am still crazy about the man I married. If he didn’t bring me flowers, I would still love him just the same. But, the fact that he wants to show that he was thinking of me is seriously the best bonus! The fact, that after nearly 8 years, he still WILLINGLY wants to get me flowers, tells me he really is the best man there is! Because I think we all know women can be a little cray with our temper and emotions at times. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Buy the flowers guys. You don’t owe a justification to anyone. You aren’t whipped. You aren’t, “in check.” You’re a husband making a gesture, and it is NOT and never should be frowned upon. Stop acting like you don’t have time. You make time for the things you WANT to make time for. Why is that not your marriage? Stop acting like it’s a burden. She is your wife. Your biggest fan. Probably soon to be, if not already, the mother of your children. Stop worrying so much about what other people think. Their opinions don’t matter. You should never stop dating your wife. You should always want to win her over again and again. The flowers, well, they just show you mean business. You married her, bro. Treat her like it.

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