Parenting Choices - Not your kid, not your business.

As a mother, it is brought to my attention on a daily basis that other parents think they have the right to critique or judge my ways of parenting. As a mother, it is also brought to my attention on a daily basis that I need to stand up for the choices I make for my child. I need to put forth an effort of defense on why I chose the things I did. I am doing this not because I have to, but because I want to. Because I'm not afraid to justify the way I do things as a mother.

I chose not to breastfeed my son. I am not obligated to specify my reasons to anyone, but I'm going to. I think it's good to be out in the open about things so there is never any shame or conflict. My decision to not breastfeed Jaxon comes from a very personal choice. It probably comes off as selfish to some, but I did not want to exhaust my body in any other way. (Yes, I know breastfeeding is actually healthy for your body, but it doesn't always seem that way when I'm up at 3 AM because of pure insomnia & all I see are other mothers complaining about how miserable it is. Don't shake your head, you know you've done it.) I had just endured nine months of pregnancy and I was not ready for all that came with committing to breastfeeding. My entire body hurt. I was exhausted. I was pretty much mutated. I just downright didn't want to do it. I admire women who CAN do it. I admire women who choose it for their child from the moment they find out they're expecting. It is so inspirational to me that there are women out there who can do it for long periods of time without complaint. I think it is a special bond between a mother and her child, but just because it was not something I had a desire to do, does not make me any less of Jaxon's mother. My preferences don't make up motherhood for him. My care, this life, and my love does. I am not by any means saying breastfeeding is not the way to go, so please don't mistake this post for me saying that. It just wasn't the way for me. Another reason I chose not to breastfeed Jax was because I did not want that attachment with him. No, I am not a bad mother because of this. I knew I would be out of the house a lot, he'd be staying with family and a sitter, and I'd be working a busy job eventually and I did not want him to be so attached to me and our intimate time together that he refused to cling to anyone but me. I think I made a smart, wise decision. Jaxon is very independent now. He is only five months old and is doing things a one year old can do. I love that he doesn't need me to constantly be by his side for everything. That I can leave the room for a little bit and it doesn't bother him. I love that someone else can feed him. I love that he's not picky about the fact I'm already giving him a sippy cup. I love that he'll fall asleep in different places without me there. I don't regret anything about my decision to not breastfeed him. I think it is selfish that the non-breastfeeding mother's hear things like, "My child is going to be a genius because I breastfed. Can't say much for yours." That statement right there was actually spoken to me in a conversation, and that statement is a negative, ghost rider. I believe intelligence comes the right upbringing, what we are taught growing up, and most of all, God. I don't need you to condemn me for choosing to use milk powder instead of breast milk. Either way I decide to feed, my son will be smart because I teach him right, because I raise him right. It is not your child, therefore, not your choice and not your business. I love my baby boy and I do what I think is right for him. I don't ever look down on or judge any other mothers for their choices. I think it is great we all have different views and ways of expressing our love for our children. But it seems like I get a lot of grief for choosing not to breastfeed, so I am glad I covered this first. All I've heard is, "That's what God gave you breasts for - to nourish your child in the best way. You should be ashamed for not at least trying it." No, I shouldn't be ashamed. I don't have to be ashamed. For the same reason you shouldn't be ashamed that your kid is still in diapers at 3 years old. It works the same way for me. Not my kids, not my business. We do things differently, in our time, in our own way, at our own pace.

The second topic I'd like to cover is co-sleeping. I chose NOT to do it. My reasons? Well, yet again, I didn't want that attachment with Jaxon. The last thing I needed was that child sleeping in our bed lol. Not only was I against it for his sake, but for the intimacy between my husband and I. I didn't want a baby in our bed to interfere with that and it most definitely would have. Do I think it's wrong that other parents choose it? Absolutely not. I realize the comfort that comes with knowing they are right next to you. I realize that when you have a huge house it's a pain in the ass to get up and down when they have broken sleep. I know that sometimes it's the only way they'll get some rest and you take what you can get because you also need rest. I don't have any doubt that for some parents and their children, it's the right thing. I know this because not all of my plans went... as planned. Jaxon has not always been an easy baby. He was very difficult the first three weeks of his life. He never slept, cried all the time, and hardly ever let me put him down. I slept on our very uncomfortable microfiber couch (thank God we've upgraded since then!) next to his Mamaroo swing just to keep the two of us from waking up my husband who had to get up early for work every morning. I kept wondering what I was doing wrong to make him so fussy. Why was he not sleeping? I swore to myself while I was pregnant that I would never sleep in the same room as him. I wanted him trained to not expect me there all the time. Why wasn't he just doing what I wanted? Did he have Colic? There were nights I broke down in tears because I was desperate for some relief for myself, and for him. My family is in Texas so I couldn't just call my mom or grandma to rush over and help me or watch him while I took a nap. It was overwhelming. I found out soon enough, his little tummy was hurting him. We discovered the gas drops and the baby cereal in his formula - and it was an instant night and day difference. We got him into a routine and just like that he was set like a clock. He slept through the night from that day forward and we haven't had a problem since. I think the cereal kept his tummy full longer and it diluted the formula enough to ease his gas pains. Best decision I ever made for him. But then I felt a sense of guilt, because I wanted so badly for him to adjust to what I wanted for him and he was still so tiny. He didn't know. I didn't know. He just wanted his momma to hold him. So yes, I do know what having to co-sleep is like. Not for very long, but I know the struggle that some things just can't be helped. Sometimes it isn't even a struggle. It's just a choice, a want, a desire. I do know that sometimes you can't help the attachment. Sometimes it's just an instinct. Every child is different. As long as we are tending to their needs and taking care of them, we have no reason to be ashamed of anything we do with them. We are their parents. We are here from day one. That's how it should be. No one has the right to judge you or your motherly instinct.

As mothers, we know what is best for our child. Not anyone else. Not our mother-in-law, not our grandparents, not our siblings or best friends... WE KNOW. We all have reasons for the things we decide to do. Whether it be, you choose to use straight baby food when it comes time to spoon feed or that you pick baby-led weaning, like myself. Whether you are fine with your child having sugar before age one or whether you aren't. It is ultimately your decision on the direction you send your child in. Either way, they will grow up healthy and strong, just as a baby who is being introduced to foods as a vegetarian. I love being a mom. I wouldn't trade it for anything. I carried this little boy around for nine long months. I endured twelve hours of pain and labor. I pushed and pushed with a crowd of probably ten 'nurses in training' staring at me with my legs spread. I gave birth to this kid. He is my flesh and blood, my legacy. I heard his first cry. I am his mommy. Being a mom is an incredible feeling. But sometimes it isn't always the most supportive and easy environment to cope with. We need to come together and stop the mommy wars. It's just old. To each their own. No questions asked.