I'm not going to apologize for having a happy marriage. I'm not going to tell you that I'm sorry because my husband and I get along well, and have a wonderful life together. If my Facebook posts and photos about the sweet things my husband does for me offend you, or make you uncomfortable, then you need to take your ass straight up to the delete button and remove me from your friends list. This may be news to you, but the great thing about social media is that there are a lot of options to NOT have to see what someone else posts. Unfollowing, unfriending, blocking, or just straight up scrolling on by. No one is forcing you to see how happy something or someone made me. You know what the only thing anyone sees in YOUR bitter little rant over couples displaying their love and happiness for each other is? Jealousy. We see jealousy, and it's a nasty thing. Take that shit somewhere else. I don't care about your jealousy anymore than you care about the beautiful necklace my husband gave me, or the awesome date night we had. Although, I'm stuck wondering why it had remotely any effect on your feelings, it doesn't make my relationship any less awesome.
I married my husband because he makes me a better person. He makes me laugh when I think I'll never smile again. He gave me two of the most beautiful babies in the world. When we said our vows to each other, we meant them. We don't just tolerate each other. No, we are NOT perfect. We don't have it all together all the time, (who does?!) but I think that is what makes our relationship so special. Because it works. We work as one to get our shit together, and it's the best. We are corky and goofy and we have the most fun when we are together. We both have other friends, but most of the time, being with each other is what we like. We are not wrong for wanting that. We're not weird or strange because we enjoy being married. This world is hard to live in most days, especially now, and at one point in my life I thought I would never feel what I feel with my husband. I felt alone, unattractive, depressed and mad at myself. I would look in the mirror and cringe when I saw my body. I would layer makeup because I felt like it was the only thing that could come close to hiding imperfection. And it took until I met the man I am married to realize that my imperfections are what make me who I am. He showed me that I don't need to always wear makeup to feel good. I don't have to have the skinniest or fittest body. He taught me that there are people willing to stand up for the ones they love no matter what it costs them. I am lucky, and I'm proud of it. I hear other people talk about their spouses in such a negative manner. It makes me sad because I don't know what I would do in a life like that. I don't belittle or begrudge anyone struggling in their marriage, and I feel like people shouldn't belittle or begrudge me because mine is happy. If it's a bad thing to see that people are happy and saying positive things about the people they care about, then this world has become even scarier than I thought. A marriage should be a positive place to be. Not something you dread going home to or try to avoid. I understand that there is not a lot of options for some once they are tied down and unhappy, but that's when your vows to each other come in. That's when the for better or worse trigger is pulled. You don't back away or become bitter when things are bad, you fight. You fight because you loved this person enough to offer up your entire life to them. That isn't something you turn away from. And if you are struggling, you need to know when to ask for help, or to seek it on your own. Me being satisfied and excited about my husband shouldn't take the blame for the bitterness and anger you feel in yours.
My husband goes to work all week. Sometimes he's working in a shop that's 100 degrees in the summer and sometimes he's driving long hours to other states. He spends a lot of his time working. Some nights our kids go to bed and don't see him. Not because he doesn't want to be here, because I can assure you, he does. But because he is out busting his ass for his family. He wants us to have the best of the best. To be able to give us not just what we need, but luxuries when we want them, makes him proud. And that says a lot about him. He is always thinking of us first. I wash his holey work jeans and dirty, raggedy t-shirts weekly. And every single time I throw them in the hamper I sigh and think how fortunate myself and my children are to have such a hardworking man giving it all he's got everyday. When he is crawling out of bed at 4:30 in the morning when it's 20 degrees outside, to get some good overtime, I'm left laying in our warm bed in my pajamas wondering how he does it. Wondering what motivates him to do all that he does. Then I realize when he kisses me while I'm pretending to still be asleep. WE motivate him. Because we are his family. He loves us and it shows through in everything. And if I want to gloat and brag about how incredible he is, then you can bet your sweet ass I'm going to do it without shame, and without wondering about whether or not your butt hurts because you got a little offended or annoyed. My husband deserves the recognition. He deserves far more than I could ever give him. But you know what? We are enough for each other. We still want, and we still wish. But we know that we are enough, regardless of those wants and wishes. We always say that as long as we have each other, we can get through anything. I believe that wholeheartedly. I believe that with him I can do anything I set my mind to. He supports me, no matter what it is. He loves me for me. I am a bipolar wreck most days. I don't know how I feel 99% of the time. My emotions bounce around like a damn ping-pong ball and my anxiety can be overwhelming. There are times, more often than not, I can't tell you which way is up. I'm always hungry, and I'm always bitching about something when I'm hungry. I can be way too talkative and the next day be a complete hermit and want you to leave me the hell alone. But my husband takes care of me. He learned all my habits and adjusted to suit me. He didn't try to change me. He understands that I have two babies at home with no relief. He understands that I may not always feel like dressing up and going out on the weekend. He reassures me that I do, when I say things like, "I don't think I deserve happiness sometimes." He knows that I'm tired and he acknowledges all that I do so I never feel like it's all for nothing.
The post that I read said something negative about not wanting to see posts from the couples who have "the perfect life and marriage." What makes you think our marriage is perfect? What makes you think our life is perfect? Just because we are grateful and appreciative of each other doesn't mean we are flawless. We disagree, but we find a solution. We have heated arguments, but we still RESPECT each other, no matter how the contention ends. And when all is said and done, we don't air out our dirty laundry to every person we know. Our marriage is OURS. Not the worlds. We work through things as a couple. Not as a couple, plus 500 of our friends and neighbors. You could ask anyone anything about my husband and I, and they will tell you what they know. Which is that we are happy - and that is all they need to know, because we are. We love each other through the good, the bad and the ugly. We love each other through huge piles of laundry, annoying sing-along toys, and dirty diaper changes. We are stronger because of the losses we've endured, and all the unexpected bumps and sharp turns in the road. So, if my admiration for this hardworking, selfless and kind hearted man that I'm spending my life with makes you hate me and all that I'm about, then it's not me who needs to redefine myself, my relationships or my marriage. It's you.
Do not ever feel ashamed for being in a truly great relationship, and never let someone make you feel like you are doing the wrong thing by showing the world all of the amazing things about it. It's really a shame that jealousy has become so common and accepted, that we feel like we have to point out another human being having something to treasure is wrong. We are always telling our children to hold out for the right person, and to seek truth and love in the relationships they choose. We tell our daughters to never settle for less than they deserve and we have talks with our sons about how important treating women with respect is. How can we expect them to feel like these are the right things when we are shamed for being thankful for them?
Stop being bitter. Stop criticizing because everyone isn't exactly like you. Stop expecting others to be miserable because you are. Learn to love and be loved. Learn to seek happiness, and if you can't find it where you are, make a change. Trying to bring others down is sending because you're down is in no way a good message, and that burden is on no one but you.
0 comments:
Post a Comment